How, exactly, does a coaching conversation create change?

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We’ve talked before about how coaching is a necessary skill for today’s business leaders. Beyond “asking the right questions” though, what does a coaching conversation really look and feel like – and how does it actually create change in the subject?

In Episode 54 we discussed Think Feel Know [LINK TO], as a simple framework for understanding the three ways we all make decisions.

This week, I will walk you through an actual coaching conversation – how they start in a Thinking space, and how you as the coach have responsibility (and the power) to shift into Feelings … and from there, into the deep-rooted Intuition from where so many of our strongest beliefs take hold.

You will see that a great coaching conversation doesn’t engage the subject’s power of deduction to help them rationalise why a change is necessary. Instead, it goes to their core to help them identify – and perhaps shift – the fundamental context that is causing the undesired actions or outcomes.

Hopefully, you can also appreciate the privilege that is coaching someone to this depth, and the skill that comes from much practice. Watch this week’s episode here.

Who is Jacob Aldridge, Business Coach?

“The smart and quirky advisor who gets sh!t done in business.” Back independent since 2019.

Since April 2006, I’ve been an international business advisor providing bespoke solutions for privately-owned businesses with 12-96 employees.

At this stage you have proven your business model, but you’re struggling to turn aspirations into day-to-day reality. You are still responsible for all 28 areas of your business, but you don’t have the time or budget to hire 28 different experts.

You need 1 person you can trust who can show you how everything in your business is connected, and which areas to prioritise first.

That’s me.

Learn more here. Or Let’s chat.


so we’ve already established that I’m abusiness coach who doesn’t believe inbusiness coaching and if you watchedepisode 16 where I talked through thefive advisory disciplines you realizethat what I mean by that is that everydiscipline every approach has a rightplace and the business coaching is notthe best the be-all and end-all thatmany business coaches put it out to beyou cannot coach a small business ownerto a tax solution you need a consultantyou need an advisor now coaching doeshave a place and in fact I do believethat it is a necessary skill from themodern business leader and that’s whythere’s a number of black board Fridaysepisodes that we’ve created to helptransfer some coaching skills that youcan use with your team and in yourbusiness and in particular today we’regoing to talk about how coaching is mosteffective at shifting the context orchanging the belief of a team member andhere is the process you may recognizethese colors for episode 54 where wetalked about thinking in blue feeling inred and knowing in green that green thatknowing that gut feel intuition that iswhere our deepest beliefs and choicessit great coaching and great coaches cantake the client the team member from upin the head thinking all the way down tothat point where they acknowledge thechoices that they’ve made in their pastand they choose a game your skill islistening for the emotional triggers anda great way that I remember that youknow if you’ve got a topic ofconversation you want to have with ateam member and you just ask them whatare all of the things that they want todiscuss around that and they’re going tostart that conversation usually in athinking space they’re going to rattleoff a whole lot of detail and your jobis to sift through boring boring boringboring feeling boring boring feelingyou’re listening for your feeling forbecause coaching is something to do withthe whole body for those feelingsbecause they’re the Gateway down intothe context of the decision that needsto shift for that individual to get thechange that they want so when you hearthose feelings you hear those topicsthat have the energy behind them askfollow-up questions around those can youtell me more about thatwhat’s going on in that space for youopen questions to get them talking andbe open questions get them down into afeeling space and you’ll know they’redown in a feeling space their voice willslow the tone will often drop andthey’ll start sharing more emotional oremotionally charged words and againsometimes you have to go through a fewlayers of those to listen for the theparts of that story that they’ve made upwhich have the most energy behind it andkeep digging keep asking keep workingthe conversation down you need to havepermission from an individual to be agreat coachif you don’t genuinely have thepermission then at some point they willresist and they will seek to pull youback up here importantly for you youneed to have trust in yourself then youcan go down into this space withoutcausing any damage without leaving thatclient or that team member in avulnerable space and so if you don’thave the confidence that you can do thatthen naturally or smartly on your behalfyou will also look to pull them back upand hopefully you know your team wellyou’ve got the practice in you willuncover that key belief that key choicethat this person has made in the pastwhich is no longer serving them identifythat name and call it out go okay thatis the belief that we need to changethat’s the context that we need to shiftso what do we need to shift that towhat’s the new context the new beliefthat this individual needs to choose tomake and it’s a three step process thatthey’re really going throughacknowledged what is so acknowledged thechoice that they’ve made in the pastwithout judgment as we talked about inepisode 81 thatacknowledgement that emotionalrecognition piece is often the missingstep in a personal change process and wewant to Ladin it with judgment thatthing that we’ve been doing since wewere a kid that doesn’t suit us now wewant to beat ourselves up about it butthat is not helpful need to flip thecoin on that judgment thank yourselfthank you prior self for making adecision that serves you then even ifyou’re going to make a differentdecision now otherwise you’re going toresist the change and get stuck there soI can knowledge what is so make adifferent choice and then based on thatnew choice that new context act as ifthat has always been the case so whatdoes somebody who lives that belief dodifferently and it may take time forthat belief to truly embed you as aleader it may need to have thisconversation even on the same topic anumber of times before an individualtruly shifts but if you can hold thisframework in your head when you’re doingit and recognize that it’s not aboutjust a whole lot of questions and awhole lot of conversation back and forthit is uncovering those deep decisionsand helping that other person to make adifferent choice[Music]

Next Steps

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